Ponder this – other than getting coal for Christmas ((who gets coal anymore? anyone still use Christmas to punish misbehaving kids in contemporary culture?)), Santa Claus just isn’t that scary. I know we all love to browse through the annual re-posting of the kids disturbed by the Jolly Old Elf, but he just doesn’t instill a palpable sense of dread ((other than the aspect of reduced gift volume)).
You’d better watch out, You’d better not cry
You’d better not pout, I’m telling you why:
Santa Claus is coming to town.
That’s really not much of a threat. I think this factor leads to my love for the dual nature of the European old (St.) Nick. The Devil coming to get you with his switch and horns and chains and claws? Yes, that the stuff. That should definitely inspire more nightmares than a lump of old coal.
Consider that nugget in the card below, where we get a close approximation to Coots’s and Gillespie’s lyrics above:
Sei nur brav und niemals keck
Dann der Krampus schaut um’s eck
Be only well-behaved and never saucy,
(for) the Krampus is looking around the corner.
He sees you when you’re sleeping. He knows when you’re awake. Gruß vom Krampus!
And Yes, I know – another post with no cocktails. Hey, this is the “indigo firmaments” part of the blog and it has been ingored a bit as of late. I do promise that by the end of the week I’ll have a new cocktail for you all: The Krampus Swizzle. 5 points for the first person to get the connection.
Da Krampus Is Coming To Town!
Oh! You better watch out,
You better not cry,
You better not pout,
I’m telling you why:
Da Krampus is coming to town!
He’s making a list,
He’s checking it twice,
He’s gonna find out
Who’s naughty or nice.
Da Krampus is coming to town!
He sees you when you’re sleeping,
He knows when you’re awake.
He knows if you’ve been naughty or bad,
So be good for your own sake!
Oh…You better watch out,
You better not cry
You better not pout,
I’m telling you why:
Da Krampus is coming to town.
Lazy little kids,
Whiny little tots.
Rudy-toot-toots,
and jumping on the cots.
Da Krampus is coming to town.
The Krampus works for St Nick,
he will have Krampus-spree.
He’ll snatch up all the bad kids
from round the Christmas tree.
Break your Mom’s vase,
Loose your homework,
Make a sad-peas-face,
Or tear your new shirt.
Da Krampus is coming to town.
The Karampus throws children
Into his burlap sack
We don’t know where they go,
But they are never coming back!
So–You better watch out,
You better not cry.
You better not pout,
I’m telling you why:
Da Krampus is coming
Da Krampus is coming
Da Krampus is coming
To town!!!
–2010 filk parody by “jesterbear,” apologies to J. Fred Coots and Haven Gillespie, *Santa Claus Is Coming To Town,* 1934.